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The common understanding of time:
a loop containing
a linear movement with a
beginning and an end.
We are pushed to keep going,
one after another,
after another.
Get up and do everything again
and again.
I’m here again, like Newton’s cradle.
I swing to the left,
there’s contact:
HIT.
I swing to the right,
there’s contact:
HIT.
I cannot keep track of where I am.
I am a force that flies through,
hitting each other,
pushing myself away,
then being pulled back.
This system makes it impossible
to not repeat my mistakes,
to not be drowned by these repetitions.
Days seem to bleed into weeks.
Weeks then fly into months.
I repeat the same actions, the same habits.
I move through time with my own loop of sameness.
Oh cool, another Canvas notification.
Fuck, I need to call my pharmacy.
Damn, I’ve run out of groceries.
God, I’m so tired.
I never quite feel like I’m ‘here’.
I’ll look down at my feet,
But they’re somehow ‘there’.
I keep running to find my feet.
I keep running to myself
within this never-ending, unforgiving cycle.
I’m here yet again, like Newton’s cradle.
I’m thrown to the left,
there’s contact:
HIT.
I’m thrown to the right,
there’s contact:
HIT.
I cannot keep track of where I am.
I am a force that flies through,
Hitting each other,
Pushing myself away,
Then being pulled back.
