I am Filipino American.
My parents came to the United States from the Philippines as young children. Still, they raised my siblings and I to practice many Filipino customs and traditions. We always bless our elders. There’s a big spoon and fork hanging up in our kitchen. We point with our lips. My mom makes us arroz caldo when we’re sick. There are some words that have always been said around the house that I only just realized last year are Tagalog, not English.
However, the colonization of the Philippines is also evident within me. My last name, Cardenas, is Spanish. I was raised Catholic, baptized at just five months old. In 1565, the first Spanish settlements were formed in Cebu. The Philippines would then remain under Spanish control for 333 years until 1898. Like many colonized peoples, Filipinos were forced to assimilate to Spanish culture. They had to adopt Spanish last names— which we still have. Many Tagalog words are similar to Spanish words; “table” is “mesa” in both Tagalog and Spanish. A major part of Spanish expeditions was to convert people to Roman Catholicism. Filipinos at the time practiced many different religions, like Buddhism and Islam. However, because Spanish colonization was so long ago and for so many years, most Filipinos today are hardcore Catholics and this is considered to be a very ‘Filipino thing’. From my dad’s side, I know I am also 1/16th Chinese. Many other Filipinos have Chinese ancestry because of colonization. Another goal for the expeditions was trade. Trade in Manila brought Chinese people to the Philippines; they would eventually assimilate and intermarry. This would continue even into the 20th century, under American colonization. This integration of several peoples is why some Filipinos look vastly different from others, even when they’re all full Filipino. Many people have told me that I don’t really look Filipino; they’ve guessed Hawaiian, Samoan, another Asian, or even Mexican. It feels like only Filipinos are able to identify other Filipinos solely by looks. But at the same time, we acknowledge that Filipino features vary. Some of us are lighter or have more ‘Chinese features’ and we call them “tsinitas”. Others have darker complexions with more ‘native features’ so we call them “morenos”. There are some who are mixed with Spanish or just have ‘European features’ which we call “mestizos”. These terms are similar to the Spanish words meaning nearly the same, if not the same exact thing.
Even considering all of this history, I’ve never once felt the desire to ‘claim’ my Chinese blood and especially not my possible Spanish blood. Even when many of my Filipino friends in middle school began to put the Spanish flag in their Instagram bios, I never did; their reasoning was that since we were colonized by them, somewhere down the line we have Spanish ancestry. And saying I’m 1/16th Chinese has only become a fun fact if someone asks if I am actually full Filipino. Besides that, I have only ever identified as Filipino. I could be Spanish or more Chinese than I say I am, but the fact is, I have only known Filipino traditions and customs.
However, I’ve met many Filipinos who put down others who are not as ‘Filipino’ as them— the same way we call each other names based on our differing physical features. Or they argue that certain customs are not really Filipino as they were introduced by colonizers. They’ve made it almost like a competition to see who is a ‘real’ Filipino or is the most in touch with our native culture. This is especially difficult and isolating for Fil-Ams who are additionally removed from Filipino culture as we were born and/or grew up in the States. So it makes one wonder: what does it even truly mean to be Filipino?
In my Asian American Studies class, we had a similar discussion regarding what it means to ‘claim’ a certain ethnicity when you’re mixed, have unclear ancestry, or a different nationality. Is it looks? Is it just DNA? Is it nationality? Is it about culture? Is it effort? One could make a case for each of these. I think for Filipinos with our unique history of colonization, being Filipino is about effort. We could continue to create divides within our community based on looks, practices, and effort. Or we could come together and acknowledge the evolving state of our culture and accept each other no matter our differences. We could put in the effort to teach each other traditions and keep each other accountable in upholding them.
333 years is a long time. Though Spanish and American colonization forced changes to our culture, it is impossible to consider many of these customs, traditions, and features as not Filipino. It is what we all know now and have been practicing for hundreds of years since. We should not let the fact that our ancestors were colonized invalidate what we experience today. However, it is equally as important to acknowledge native practices and that the rareness of them is a product of colonization.
So, I’ve come to decide that being Filipino means something different to each of us. To me, it’s about putting effort into practicing our culture, both native and modern. It’s blessing our elders. It’s picking things up with our feet. It’s saying “open the light”. It’s never-ending karaoke. It’s good food. And what connects me to this culture is my family. My big, typical Filipino family keeps me rooted.
