Happy month of love everyone!
In honor of this most wonderful time of year, I have a question for you my dear reader, and it’s a rather personal one: how often do YOU say “I love you” to others and how often do YOU show this love?
Take the time to really consider this query, and while you’re pondering, I’ll give my thoughts both on this and on love in general.
It is my belief that there exist two types of people in this world: the ones who frequently, openly, and passionately express the love they feel for others (me!!!) and those who do not.
From what I’ve learned, an individual’s reservations surrounding love can be due to any number of reasons. They might not have grown up in a family that outwardly showed their love, they may believe that expressing your love too often makes it lose its value, or they could be uncomfortable with the vulnerability that comes with openly demonstrating how much you love someone.
But what do we actually mean when we say “I love you”? Are we expressing our appreciation, our care, our affection, our closeness, our adoration?… Perhaps a combination of all those emotions, or something else entirely?
What are we trying to encapsulate in this phrase?
There’s no denying that the words “I love you” hold a lot of weight, but I argue that these words mean nothing if we do not show them through our actions. If all you do is say the phrase, and never show your love, well… do you really love the person?
There are so many ways of saying “I love you” that don’t actually involve saying the words “I love you”.
I love you is: making fresh green onion pancakes every weekend, because your kids said it was their favorite food and you want them to eat a good breakfast before school so that they’re ready to take on the day. It’s pouring your whole heart into everything you do and working tirelessly, juggling so many different commitments so that your kids can have a better life and more opportunities than you did when you were their age (thanks Mom).
I love you is: driving your kids to Mercer Island seven days a week and sitting for hours on the uncomfortable concrete stands in Federal Way to cheer your children on as they swim for a few minutes at a time. It’s spending all your free time supporting your kids’ passions, doing everything you can to turn their dreams into reality, leading to you running around all over the Eastside so that they get to where they need to go (thanks Dad).
I love you is: waking up extra early on the weekend to make your entire family breakfast from scratch because you saw a recipe online and you really wanted to surprise them with your own twist on Oreo pancakes. It’s putting on the car cover for your sister when it’s windy and snowing and 17 degrees out, so she doesn’t have to struggle out in the cold weather. Or going with her to the store at 9pm on a random weekday because she doesn’t want to go alone (thanks Stuart).
I love you is: being there at all hours of the day for your friend regardless of how busy you are, wholeheartedly committing to that promise of being best friends for life. It’s having their back for years and being the reason behind why they fell in love with the world. It’s being there to always give advice, to provide much needed encouragement, and to excitedly listen to all the cool things they encountered throughout the day that reminded them of you (thanks Adi, Galina, Swaraj, Sherwin, and Pranathi).
I love you is: blocking out time in your already packed schedule to hang out with your friend so you can see each other weekly during the hardest quarter of the year. It’s surprising them with random food that you made or bought so that you can try new things together. It’s reaching out to study or get food together or to simply go on a walk to combat that winter quarter slump (thanks Jolene, Emily, Andre, Angelina, Alex, Krista, and Clarissa).
All the people who I have ever loved and all the people who have ever loved me, have taught me that you shouldn’t put off expressing your love, in wait for the “perfect moment”, because it’s the outward, open demonstration of love that makes the moment perfect.
And so, I challenge you to say “I love you” to someone this month. Regardless of whether that person is a romantic partner, a family member, a friend, or yourself, I want you to express your love openly, outwardly, and passionately.
I want you to genuinely mean it with your actions too, because if you’re saying it to simply to say it… well, then and only then does love lose its value.
Turn towards what can be an uncomfortable feeling and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Express your love, giving it freely without the expectation of the other individual giving it back.
I know this is a scary ask, but I believe with my whole heart that you can do it! And, if this is something that doesn’t come easily to you, and that is totally okay, I’m proud of you for trying!
I’m sending all my love to you dear reader this February,
Emily <3
I leave you with this John Green quote to carry you through this month:
“To fall in love with the world isn’t to ignore or overlook suffering, both human or otherwise. For me anyway, to fall in love with the world is to look up at the night sky and feel your mind swim before the beauty and the distance of the stars. It is to hold your children while they cry and watch the sycamore trees leaf out in June. When my breastbone starts to hurt, and my throat tightens and tears well in my eyes, I want to look away from feeling. I want to deflect with irony or anything else that will keep me from feeling directly. We all know how loving ends. But I want to fall in love with the world
anyway, to let it crack me open. I want to feel what there is to feel while I am here.”
― John Green, The Anthropocene Reviewed
