In her memoir Crying in H Mart, author Michelle Zauner writes about her experiences growing up Korean American, her relationship to her mother, and the grief surrounding her passing, all centered around the flavors, scents, and colors of traditional Korean cuisine. Zauner starts off the book with her sobbing in the dry goods section of H Mart, a Korean supermarket, after her mother’s passing. She asks herself the question, “Am I even Korean anymore if there’s no one left in my life to call and ask which brand of seaweed we used to buy?”
We come to see eventually that seaweed has great significance to Zauner. On birthdays, she describes drinking miyeokguk, or seaweed soup, a Korean tradition that stems from celebrating one’s mother, as women often drank it postpartum. Zauner mentions drinking the soup in Seoul too after her mother’s death, feeling soothed and connected back to her mother, during her period of grief. Similarly, throughout the book, many other dishes were mentioned, from mandu to Korean fried chicken to tteokguk, all bringing back comforting memories of home for Zauner. While we all have different memories that soothe and comfort us, these memories are likely to stem from traditions, routines, and rituals—all actions of love. In a quick-moving world where rapid growth, innovation, and modernity are favored, rituals allow us the opportunity to step back and reflect on both the purpose of our existence and our way of living.
Often, traditions are seen as binding, backwards, and shameful. Afterall, many protagonists of coming-of-age movies find themselves navigating the inner conflict of following tradition in their parents’ footsteps versus forging their own new path, with the latter winning most, if not all the time. Yet, there is something to be appreciated about tradition. It is our history, passed down with love from past generations and onto us.
It can be easy to forget that we do not live as isolated islands, but as interconnected beings, entangled in the personal, spiritual, cultural, and historical web of humanity. The remembrance and performance of our rituals is the practice of connecting ourselves to our ancestors, our cultures, and our families. Traditions, rituals, and routines frame the everyday mundane as a celebration of our extraordinary existence. Hence, they are actions of love. They remind you that you are loved by family and friends, and that you are not alone. They put into perspective our place within this universe, allowing us to a step closer in understanding its vast and mysterious nature. Most importantly, it reminds us that life is worth celebrating and encourages us to live with more love and appreciation towards ourselves and others.
Ultimately, rituals make us a collective, connecting us to our ancestors and our physical reality to our spirits. So, to answer Zauner’s question, although she may not have anyone left in her life to call and ask which brand of seaweed she used to buy, she does have her love for Korean traditional cuisine that will forever connect her to her mother and her Korean identity.
